Embarrassment | Psychology Today

Embarrassment is a painful but important emotional state. Most researchers believe that the purpose of embarrassment is to make people feel badly about ... Skiptomaincontent Embarrassment Shame,Humiliation,Blushing ReviewedbyPsychologyTodayStaff Embarrassmentisapainfulbutimportantemotionalstate.Mostresearchersbelievethatthepurposeofembarrassmentistomakepeoplefeelbadlyabouttheirsocialorpersonalmistakesasaformofinternal(orsocietal)feedback,sothattheylearnnottorepeattheerror.Theaccompanyingphysiologicalchanges,includingblushing,sweating,orstammering,maysignaltoothersthatapersonrecognizestheirownerror,andsoisnotcold-heartedoroblivious. Contents WhatIsEmbarrassment? HowtoOvercomeEmbarrassment WhatIsEmbarrassment? Frequentlygroupedwithshameandguilt,embarrassmentisconsidereda“self-consciousemotion,”anditcanhaveaprofoundlynegativeimpactonaperson’sthoughtsorbehavior.Theembarrassedindividualbecomesconsciousofareal(orimagined)failuretocomplywithsocialnormsandfearsthatotherswon’tviewthemashighlyasaresult.Theensuingembarrassmentmaybeaccompaniedbyfeelingsofawkwardness,exposure,shame,guilt,orregret. It’snotablethattheincitingeventmaybeeitherpositiveornegative.Forexample,someonemayfeeljustasembarrassedbybeingcalledbeautifulinfrontofagroupofpeopleastheyarebyforgettingsomeone’snameorfallinginpublic.Apersoncanfeelembarrassedforthemselvesoronbehalfofsomeoneelse(iftheyareparticularlyempathic,oriftheyaresecretlyconcernedthattheotherperson’ssupposedfailingswillalsoreflectnegativelyonthem).Embarrassmentisahighlyindividualexperienceandisoftenintensifiedbythefearthateveryoneiswatching(andjudging)whenmostofthetime,almostnoonewillevennotice. Doeseveryonegetembarrassed? CreatedwithSketch. Practicallyeveryonefindsthemselvesinanawkwardorhumiliatingsituationatsomepointintheirlives.Thequestionis:Howstronglydoesitaffectthem?Somepeoplecanshakeofftheirembarrassmentwhentheymakeamistakeorviolateasocialnorm.Otherswhofearthedisapprovalofthegroupmightbeconsumedbyshame. Aresomepeoplemorepronetoembarrassmentthanothers? CreatedwithSketch. Yes,individualswithsocialanxietyareparticularlysensitivetoembarrassment.Theygooutoftheirwaytoavoidsocialinteractionswheretheymightmakeamistakeorotherwiseembarrassthemselves.Fortunately,peoplecanbeattheirsocialanxietybygraduallyexposingthemselvestotheverysocialscenariosthatmakethemsouncomfortabletobeginwith. Whatarethedifferencesbetweenshameandembarrassment? CreatedwithSketch. Whileembarrassmentandshamearesimilar,therearesomecleardifferences.Shameoftencarriesmoralovertonesthatembarrassmentdoesnot;itcharacterizesasenseofcharacterfailingratherthanalossofsocialstatusorimage.Meanwhile,embarrassmentcolorsthegapbetweenhowonewishestobeperceivedandhowonebelievesthatothersactuallyperceivethem. Isitpossibletobeembarrassedforsomeoneelse? CreatedwithSketch. Yes,thisisaphenomenonknownas“vicariousembarrassment.”Itispossibletofeelacutesocialpaininthewakeofothers'socialblunders,regardlessofwhethertheoffendingpartyisawareoftheirbehaviororwhetherthebehavioritselfisdeliberateoraccidental.Vicariousembarrassmentarisesfromourcapacityforempathy. Isitpossibletobeembarrassedbysomeoneelse? CreatedwithSketch. The"vicariousspotlighteffect"referstothecommonphenomenonofbeingself-consciousaboutorembarrassedbyapersonwithwhomwearecloselyalignedintheeyesofothers,suchasaromanticpartnerorfamilymember.Peoplearemorelikelytobeembarrassedbytheirpartner,friend,orfamilymemberwhenthebehaviorisparticularlynegative,andwhenitoccursinfrontofstrangersratherthantrustedfriendsandfamily. Doembarrassingmomentsmakeyoustronger? CreatedwithSketch. There'snoevidencethatpeopledevelopcharacterperseafterfeelinghumiliated,buttherecouldbeanupside: SPeoplewhoactembarrassedaftercommittinga“badact”—likeknockingoverastoredisplay—areperceivedasmorelikablethanthosewhodon't,regardlessofwhetherornotanythingisactuallydonetomakeamendsforthemistake. Dopsychopathseverfeelembarrassed? CreatedwithSketch. Psychopathyischaracterizedbyalackofempathyandinabilitytounderstandthefeelingsofothers.Psychopathsarethusunlikelytoexperienceanyoftheso-calledself-consciousemotions,suchasembarrassment,shame,orguilt.Forinstance,whentheygetcaughtinalie,ahumiliatingexperienceformostpeople,theyareunfazedandeasilychangetheirstory. articlecontinuesafteradvertisement HowtoOvercomeEmbarrassment Manypeoplewillbouncebackfromanembarrassingincidentquickly.Otherswhoaremoresensitivemaydevelopfeelingsofanxietyorpanicwhenevertheythinkaboutit,whichcanbeofteniftheyarepronetorumination.Theymayeventrytoavoidspecificsocialinteractionsforfearofbeinghumiliatedagain.Justoneembarrassingexperiencecanbedetrimentaltosomeone’sconfidenceandsenseofself-worthoveralongperiodoftime.Greatembarrassmentcanleadtoanxiety,depression,and,inextremecases,theimpulsetoself-harm. Oneofthebestwaystogetoverembarrassmentistolaughaboutit.Infact,peoplewhocanshruglaughoffanembarrassingmomentaregenerallyviewedasmoretrustworthy,likable,andsociable.Realizingthateveryonemakesmistakescanhelp.Gainingsomeperspectiveabouttherealweightofthemistakeandhowmuchpeopleactuallynoticeditisvaluableaswell. HowcanIgetoverahumiliatingexperience? CreatedwithSketch. Gettingoverhumiliationcanbetricky.First,recognizethatyou’renotalone:Manypeoplehavehadsimilarexperiences,andyoucanlearnfromhowtheyresponded.Calluponyoursupportnetwork.Thoughitmaybetempting,thinktwicebeforeyoulashout,andavoidhidingout.Trytoviewthehumiliatingincidentasanopportunitytobuildresilience. HowcanIstopworryingaboutwhatothersthinkofme? CreatedwithSketch. Embarrassment(notunlikeshame)frequentlyoccurswhenyouworrytoomuchaboutwhatothersthinkofyou.Onewaytoeasethesefearsistofocuslessonyourselfandmoreonothers,tryingtobekindandconsiderate.Inaddition,youcanlearntodevelop“attentionalcontrol,”soyoucanfocusonthepositiveinsteadofwallowinginembarrassment. HowcanIhealfromonlineshaming? CreatedwithSketch. Digitalhatecanbeextremelyugly.Allowyourselftofeelangryifyouneedto.Takecareofyourself.Gainsomeperspective,soyoucanignorethetrolls.Findyourvoice,perhapsevenbysharingyourexperiencesonlineonyourblogorsocialmedia.Recognizethedigitalhumiliation,butknowthatitdoesn’tdefineyouordictateyourfuture. Canyoudieofembarrassment? CreatedwithSketch. Likeawoundthatwon’theal,extremeembarrassmentcanbeatriggerforself-destructivebehaviorsandevensuicidalthoughtsandaction.Menareespeciallyvulnerablewhentheyaresuddenlyconfrontedbyproofthattheyarenotassmart,powerful,orbraveastheythinktheyshouldbe.Theresultingshameandembarrassmentcandrivethemtoharmfulacts. EssentialReads NameIttoTameIt:TheEmotionsUnderlyingYourTriggers Whydocertainwordsorinteractionssparkparticularlystrongemotionsinsideus?Gettingtoknowourtriggerscanhelpuscalmdownandcontrolourreactions. DoYouSufferfrom“ShameShudder”? Shameshudderisasuddenfeelingofdisgustaboutyourpastbehavior. MyGifted,ShakyHands Essentialtremoraffectsmillionsofpeople.Trytheseideasonhowtoliveafulllifewithbeautifulhandsthathappentotremble. 4TipsforBecomingaMoreGenerousListener Herearefourtipstohelpyoumovetowardmoreheartfelt,generouslistening,whichcreatesafoundationfordeeperconnections. RecentPosts ToRidMyselfofShameAboutaDisability,IHadToTellPeopleAboutIt CarolineLeavittonMarch8,2022inRunsintheFamily PersonalPerspective:Aninvisibledisability,hearingloss,mademeashamedofwhoIwas.Then,Istartedtochangethestory. PersonalPerspective:Aninvisibledisability,hearingloss,mademeashamedofwhoIwas.Then,Istartedtochangethestory. WhatDoPeopleMostLoveAboutTheirSexualExpression? 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Inspeakingeuphemistically,themeaningofthewordsisthesamebutsubstitutionprotectsthereceiverfromfeelingputdown,dismissed,orrejected. HowtoStopBelievingWhatanAbusivePartnerSays BeverlyEngelL.M.F.T.onJanuary31,2022inTheCompassionChronicles Stopgivingyourabuserpowerbybelievingtheircriticismsofyou. Stopgivingyourabuserpowerbybelievingtheircriticismsofyou. 5FamiliarExperienceswithaRelationalTraumaBackground AnnieWrightLMFTonJanuary31,2022inMakingtheWholeBeautiful Peoplewhocomefromrelationaltraumabackgroundsmayfeelahighdegreeofotherness.Wideningthelensonhowcommoncertainexperiencesarecanfeelvalidating. Peoplewhocomefromrelationaltraumabackgroundsmayfeelahighdegreeofotherness.Wideningthelensonhowcommoncertainexperiencesarecanfeelvalidating. WhyI'mNotAshamedofBeinga"BadKid" AmandaAnnGregory,LCPConJanuary31,2022inSimplifyingComplexTrauma Apersonalperspective:Asifexperiencingtraumaisn’tenough,there’stheshamethatcancomefromwhatonedoesinordertosurviveit.Ichallengedthisshamebyembracingmychildhooddeviance. Apersonalperspective:Asifexperiencingtraumaisn’tenough,there’stheshamethatcancomefromwhatonedoesinordertosurviveit.Ichallengedthisshamebyembracingmychildhooddeviance. HowCuckoldingHasMovedIntotheMainstream DavidJ.LeyPh.D.onJanuary20,2022inWomenWhoStray Asdiscussionofcuckoldinghasbecomemoremainstream,weareseeingshiftsinhowitispracticed.Femaleandsexualminorityvoicesarebeingempowered. Asdiscussionofcuckoldinghasbecomemoremainstream,weareseeingshiftsinhowitispracticed.Femaleandsexualminorityvoicesarebeingempowered. 3ReasonsWhyPeopleLietoTheirTherapists KaitlinKerteszLICSW,RYTonJanuary19,2022inLyingtoYourTherapist Here'swhyyoudon'thavetolie.(Therapistsknowwhenyouareanyway.) 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